Once again I have failed to post anything in the past few weeks. I have every intention of posting regularly on this blog but for some reason I just have a hard time doing it. It is because I think too much about everything, every time I have an idea for a blog post I then over think it and then it never happens. I am highly aware that once I put something online it never goes away so I am very conscious of what I post and it makes it difficult for me to commit to posting what I think or feel.
I have been having trouble expressing my thoughts through writing. It use to be quite easy for me but in recent years not as much. That was the whole reason I started this blog was to get back that piece of me that I lost in college. I was that girl who wrote everyday. I wrote short stories and poems. Now, I haven't written a poem in years, I have many little snippets of short stories but it never seems to get anywhere. I don't get inspired the what I was before. I miss how I was able to be sitting somewhere one moment and then a thought would strike and I would scramble to find any writing utensil and something to write on just to jot it down before it was gone. Now I have fewer of those epiphanies and even when I do I fail to catch many of them.
I know that sitting here and complaining won't help me find myself again. I have simply been mired down by life after all. I wrote a lot in high school and even at the beginning of college. I felt more creative had more ideas. I also had more hope then. I didn't yet know that I would graduate with a good degree yes but into a bad economy where have a degree just makes me average and there is no company out there that wants to hire me. I know I am fighting tooth and nail against all the other graduates out there for these non-existent jobs we were promised when we signed up to take out those loans we took upon ourselves to get to go to college. I have tried my hardest and still find myself to be nothing more than a burden to my family and even though I try not to think about these things all the time I still know it weighs heavily on my mind whether I choose to acknowledge it or not.
I did not start writing this post with the intent of talking about these things but I let my mind go where it wanted and here I am. I do have to address my problems and my worries and concerns if I want to be able to get past this perpetual writer's block I find myself facing. I will keep trying to move myself forward. This entails my constant job search yes but it also includes getting my mind back from this fog that has encompassed it. So much of my life feels out of control but this is one place that I can improve on. Once again I promise myself, I will write more, I will post more, and I will try to stop worrying what others will think and free myself to say what I want to without placing these artificial constraints on myself as I have been.
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