History Happens ... Occasionally

Today is a momentous day, at 7am the history channel finally played the first show remotely related to history that it has shown since Saturday though I doubt this will last and it will resume showing its usual fare.  I use to flip through the channels and land on the Discovery Channel or the History Channel and usually find something worth watching and that just doesn't seem to happen for me anymore.  Luckily, I have the internet to entertain me so I rarely surf through to see what is on TV anymore anyway.

http://mytvoptions.com/truth-in-programming.php

I remember actually being excited to watch National Geographic Explorer when I was little.  I haven't watched the show in quite a while but I am disgusted by National Geographic re-branding itself as NatGeo.  It is a ridiculous simplification of a name that use to have a positive and respectable connotation for me.

I use to get the National Geographic Kids magazine (well I think it was still called National Geographic World when I got it).  When I look at a more recent copy of National Geographic Kids I can't find the value in it anymore.  It is usually a gigantic tie in to some Disney movie that is coming and composed almost entirely of ads and product placement and little else.  It is another example of something I loved being dumbed down and commercialized to the point of being unrecognizable.

We also have the Discovery Channel ... which seems to center its programming around what involves showing explosions.  They also have the Deadliest Catch.  I really don't know what else they show because it has been a while since I have tried to watch anything on the channel.  I think my real issue is that these channels always trick me, I think that maybe there will be something good on and then am always let down by the lack of programming I have any interest in.

One would think that the History Channel would be more difficult to subvert.  After all, it has history in the name and thus the shows should probably at least involve history.  No they seem to have gotten around that inconvenience.  Every time I turn to the History Channel, I find shows either about UFOs or the apocalypse ... and Pawn Stars.  Yes Pawn Stars, that one I can't even begin to understand why it exists at all never mind why it is on the History Channel.  I know that they have their slogan of "history happens everyday" but I can't help but wish that they would focus a little more on the history that didn't happen just the other day.  There is a lot of history that could be explored that has nothing to do with Ice Road Truckers and Ax Men.  Sadly, I just saw that they have a show called Ancient Aliens and thought to myself well at least it does involve history so that actually puts it one step ahead of many of these shows preposterous as that may seem.

I went to the History Channel's website to look at the show schedule for the day.  I noted that one show was called Sliced.  I wondered what the show could be about, well apparently the name says it all and it is about slicing things.  Yep, it has the pretense of explaining how things work but does so by cutting them in half with a chainsaw.  I watched the little clip explaining the show and was baffled because of course I want to see how things work but cutting them up seems to be a poor way to achieve this.  I can understand a careful dissection of an object to see how it works, I did that all the time when I was little with broken electronics, but a chainsaw is not required.  It is just such a destructive and simplistic way of explaining how ordinary objects work.  I miss the shows that had the all knowing narrator or host.  I like to believe that the person telling me about a subject such as how an object works actually has the knowledge they are conveying and aren't like so many hosts of these shows now who like to pretend that they are learning with us and know no more on the topic than we do.

Well at least I have Frontline, podcasts, and the internet to keep me informed ... and of course my public library.

Oh Wait, I Have a Blog Don't I?

Once again I have failed to post anything in the past few weeks.  I have every intention of posting regularly on this blog but for some reason I just have a hard time doing it.  It is because I think too much about everything, every time I have an idea for a blog post I then over think it and then it never happens.  I am highly aware that once I put something online it never goes away so I am very conscious of what I post and it makes it difficult for me to commit to posting what I think or feel.

I have been having trouble expressing my thoughts through writing.  It use to be quite easy for me but in recent years not as much.  That was the whole reason I started this blog was to get back that piece of me that I lost in college.  I was that girl who wrote everyday.  I wrote short stories and poems.  Now, I haven't written a poem in years, I have many little snippets of short stories but it never seems to get anywhere.  I don't get inspired the what I was before.  I miss how I was able to be sitting somewhere one moment and then a thought would strike and I would scramble to find any writing utensil and something to write on just to jot it down before it was gone.  Now I have fewer of those epiphanies and even when I do I fail to catch many of them.

I know that sitting here and complaining won't help me find myself again.  I have simply been mired down by life after all.  I wrote a lot in high school and even at the beginning of college.  I felt more creative had more ideas.  I also had more hope then.  I didn't yet know that I would graduate with a good degree yes but into a bad economy where have a degree just makes me average and there is no company out there that wants to hire me.  I know I am fighting tooth and nail against all the other graduates out there for these non-existent jobs we were promised when we signed up to take out those loans we took upon ourselves to get to go to college.  I have tried my hardest and still find myself to be nothing more than a burden to my family and even though I try not to think about these things all the time I still know it weighs heavily on my mind whether I choose to acknowledge it or not.

I did not start writing this post with the intent of talking about these things but I let my mind go where it wanted and here I am.  I do have to address my problems and my worries and concerns if I want to be able to get past this perpetual writer's block I find myself facing.  I will keep trying to move myself forward.  This entails my constant job search yes but it also includes getting my mind back from this fog that has encompassed it.  So much of my life feels out of control but this is one place that I can improve on.  Once again I promise myself, I will write more, I will post more, and I will try to stop worrying what others will think and free myself to say what I want to without placing these artificial constraints on myself as I have been.

My Dud of a Laptop Strikes Again

I have been having some problems with my computer lately, well actually all the same old problems just worse than usual, so I decided to express my computer angst by drawing this comic instead of actually throwing it at something or smashing it against the wall.


Now, I am going to backup my computer and compose my lovely letter to Dell to to put in with my computer when I send it in for repairs so that maybe they will actually fix it.

Spring Picture Procrastination

I have been taking a lot of nature pictures recently. I think it is because I know I should be running the park but if I bring my camera and walk around taking pictures I can justify to myself not running. Yeah it's procrastination I suppose, but I have gained some beautiful spring pictures and like getting the opportunity to show them off though I should note I have also procrastinated in posting them.

I started off walking on the path beside the river. I was standing there beside the river and decided to look up. I noticed that the branch above me was gnarled and bent, constantly winding its way through the maze of other branches, a perpetual race toward the sun above.

I continued to walk alongside the river until I saw a small tree with white flowers on the other bank. I wanted to see that tree up close so I noted some landmarks and made my way back to the bridge and crossed to the other side.

I was walking alongside a low stone wall and noticed this small fern that had managed to start growing from the wall.  It is always rather amazing the places that plants manage to grow.  The seed landed there and somehow took root so that it could cling to the wall, wedging itself in the cracks.  I had a few strange looks from the passersby as I knelt by this wall and took the picture but I am getting used to seeing that look as I venture out on my picture taking expeditions.

 Well I kept walking along the path and looked for the landmarks I have noted, a dried up spring bed on my side of the river and a couple benches on the other bank.  I reached what I figured was approximately the right spot and turned onto a little footpath that lead down to the bank of the river.

Yes, there was my little tree, and a swarming mass of mosquitoes.  I snapped a few pictures.  Then, hastened by the audible hum of the legion about me, I made my way back up the bank to higher drier land.  I had my picture, though I think I swallowed in few bugs while getting it.

I continued my wandering.  The day was incredibly clear and the sky marvelously blue.  I was looking up at the power lines and happened to notice this black bird settled on the wire.  It was sitting there long enough for me to take a few pictures of it as it saw and shrieked at its neighbor sitting further down the line.  I don't know what type of birth this was, there are usually birds fluttering around this part of the path and sitting on the wire but this was the first to sit still for long enough for me to take a picture of it.

I was returning to my car when I happened to notice this seed laden tree overhead.  Mostly it was interesting because I usually find the helicopter seeds once they have reached the ground and rarely have seen them when they are still on the tree.  They have not dried and fallen but still have a blush of color as they cling to the branches.



Well, spring is well on its way to summer so I suppose these will be be my last spring pictures.  The next pictures will probably be summer ones.  Who knows when I will next fancy myself a photographer. 

Just a Test

I just set up Twitterfeed for this blog so this is a test to see if this automatically posts to my Facebook and twitter accounts...

Sherlock Holmes Movie Review

Last night I watched the 2009 Sherlock Holmes movie (not to be confused with the 2010 movie...yeah that one with the dinosaur.) I know that there are an abundance of Sherlock Holmes movie adaptations out there but but now that they have run out of movie ideas and every movie must be a remake, or based on a book or graphic novel, of course they needed to take a shot at Sherlock Holmes. I have to confess I have never read any of the Sherlock Holmes books but I do enjoy the 1984 TV series and I have listened to the audio-book versions of many of the Sherlock Holmes tales (nothing like listening to someone read to me with a British accent to help me get to sleep at night.) I do have some preconceived notions of what I want for a Sherlock Holmes movie and was pretty sure that the 2009 reboot would not live up to them, so I started watching the movie with some trepidation.

I was rewarded with an opening sequence involving Holmes busting up some magic ritual and beating people up. Not really what I wanted but exactly what I expected. I like Sherlock Holmes because of the logic, the deductive reasoning and attention to detail and while this movie did show glimmers of that mind that I love to see those were rather overshadowed by the brawling and explosions that seemed rather out of place. The set and the clothing were beautiful but other than that it was fairly generic. The movie seemed to primarily rely on Robert Downey Jr to carry it. It seemed to go with the method of it has Downey in it so people will go see it, he just needs to be himself, beat some people up, and we'll add some explosions, then everyone will go see it. I am not going to argue that this method doesn't work, I just have higher expectations.

I was really thrown by the "magic" angle throughout the film because to me magic is rather anti-Sherlock Holmes. However the the movie did redeem itself at the end with its run through of the logical explanations for the events that had occurred, which restored it greatly in my eyes because I could not accept a Sherlock Holmes movie that left magic as an acceptable explanation. Another issue with this movie, it gave me some major flashbacks to Angels & Demons. Yes, some cult-like group targets some larger group of old men but first kills people at strategic locations throughout the city for their symbolic references which the main character then sees make a cross when planned out on a map and uses this to determine the final location.

Downey's portrayal of Holmes was decent, but I was thrown by his drinking habit since Holmes was more into cocaine and morphine than alcohol but I suppose they didn't want to show that in the movie so they threw in the drinking instead as his drug of choice. The interactions between Holmes and Watson were well portrayed though I did find them a bit quick to brawl but I suppose that is to be expected in a movie intended for the masses. I really enjoyed the two scenes where Holmes deconstructs in his mind what he is going to do before he does it and then the film speeds up to real time and shows the actions. However, this was only done twice and for the most part all the information was just given to the audience with little insight into how Holmes mind was working. The movie had its action and mystery but it just didn't have the depth it needed to make it stick with you after watching it, you leave the movie much the same as you entered and it doesn't leave you anything new to think about.

Overall, the movie was OK, not quite the Sherlock Holmes we know and love but people who want action over intellect will probably think it is an improvement. I am glad I didn't pay to see it in theaters but it was a decent Netflix pick as long as you don't expect too much of it. The 1984 series is available on Netflix streaming and I am going to stick to watching that.

iPad Review...Based on my 5 Minute Joyride in the Apple Store

Image from www.readwriteweb.com


I have finally broken down and decided to do an iPad review. I also finally saw and touched one for the first time on Saturday so that might have something to do with it too. I would like to say before I start, I am not an Apple fangirl. I just want to put that out there. The only Apple product I have ever owned is my iPod.

For some reason I find Apple as a corporation unsettling. Yes they can make pretty products, but no they are not right for me and I just can't buy into it all. Apple requires a certain lifestyle which I do not have. It's nice to have a pretty product but not if it sacrifices functionality and the motto of "it just works" rubs me the wrong way. The real issue is that so much is sacrificed to make it "just work" and I would rather have function. My PC may be buggy but I can put what I want on it, I trust myself enough to not completely screw it up (and really there is nothing I can do to it a good reformat can't fix) I like having the ability to make my own mistakes. Last month, my battery was almost completely worn out so I bought a new one and I replaced it myself, let's see you do that on an Apple product.

I have digressed from the point of this post, I am supposed to be reviewing the iPad. To set the stage: I arrive at the Apple store, it is full of people and chatter, there are throngs of people crowding around the two tables devoted to the iPad. I hover near the table, pretending to play with the macbook on the adjacent table. Then someone sets down an iPad and I pounce and scoop it up before anyone else can take it. I stare at it for a moment, trying to take in all the details about this device that I have heard so much about and know that Steve Jobs has decreed I should love. The first thing I noticed was the large glossy screen...completely covered with smears and smudges from all the fingers that had fondled it before me. At this point I really just wanted to set it down and wash my hands but I restrained myself.

The next thing I noticed was the weight of the thing. It was heavy and during the time I was holding it seemed to get heavier and heavier. I wanted to be able to hold it in my left hand and manipulate it with my right but it really needed to be propped up on something. Since I was in the store and setting it on the table didn't put it in a comfortable position and I couldn't sit in a chair and prop it up on my leg, I was left to juggle it back and forth between my hands as I tried to size up the thing. I really could have used something a bit lighter and it could have been a bit smaller, the proportions of it seemed off to me when I looked at it but that is just my preference.

Well I stood there for a moment holding the iPad then thought "I should probably try to do some thing on it shouldn't I?" I looked at all the icons, awkwardly spaced on the screen, flicked it to the next screen and stared at that for a moment then continued on. I opened google earth, it was google earth, nothing earth-shattering about it. I tried to play some of the games, they were alright but given that I have played games on the iPod touch there was nothing really special their either. Then I decided to go online, and lo and behold the internet was still there just as I had last seen it on my laptop. It did browse the internet, I didn't exactly challenge it though. It was the internet, it may be a different way to get to it and I could poke at it but I wouldn't say it was “the best way to experience the web.” It was merely just another way to experience the web. I played a movie, it looked good. I looked at some pictures stored on it, the iPad can certainly function as the most expensive picture frame you will ever own. Then I decided to look at the books on it because I kept hearing all about that feature, how it will change the way I read. There were a number of books to look at and I browsed through a few of them. Yes it was fun the first few times I flipped the virtual pages but that got old fast and I like my physical books that I get to flip the pages and see my progress (and borrow from the library so I don't have to buy them from iTunes.)

At this point I had been holding the iPad for about 5 minutes...and I was bored. My curiosity was satiated and I kept flipping through the icons and thinking that I couldn't possible be this bored with this device already, but I was. The Apple employee had wandered over by then and was asking if anyone had any questions and I felt like saying no, it's a giant iPod touch so really what is there to question about it. I tried to imagine what I would do with one. Well, its not really portable enough for me to carry around with me and just pull out when I am bored in line to get my coffee or something. That leaves when I am sitting at home. I usually just carry my laptop around the house with me. I really can't remember the last time I sat down at my laptop and did one thing and one thing only. I like to multitask and the fact that the iPad can't really doesn't endear it to me. I usually watch a video or listen to a podcast as I have another internet window open, plus a document or two, and then I have pidgin running so I can instant message when the urge strikes me. I can browse the internet on the iPad but that is nothing special and having to exit out of my browser to answer an instant message from a friend would be a huge pain. I like to take pictures with my camera and edit them on my computer and the iPad doesn't have a camera of its own and I can't just plug my camera into its non-existent USB port to load the pictures I have taken onto it. I am supposed to read books on it but given that I usually read actual physical books that I borrow from the library I don't see myself rushing out to buy them from iTunes.

I can't see anything I could use the iPad for that would be productive, it really just seems to be a toy for messing around on, which is fine but they seem to want us to think that businesspeople and students and everyone can actually do work on this new shiny toy. It costs $499 at a minimum and not even that once taxes are added and the fact that to do almost any little thing on it requires buying an app. I can't justify spending that amount of money on a toy and a first generation one at that. Next year there will be a new iPad with more features and a lower price and all the people who bought this year's will feign surprise and then buy it. Apple always wants people to buy its newest and shiniest product, even the people who just barely bought it a year before, there's no upgrades, just replacements. If I am going to spend $500 on a product it better not be one that will be obsolete in a year which will be true of this first iPad, really this first iPad has a lifespan of one month, then the 3G version comes out anyway but Apple knows the fanboys will buy this first iPad and then another in a month anyway. I just don't have the financial backing to be an Apple person, you have to keep buying things because you just can't walk around with an outdated Apple product.

I think I could have fun with a tablet but not this one. The most I could think about spending on one would be around $200 and I want a computer OS, not a crippled phone OS for something that isn't a phone. I need functionality to justify what I buy and the iPad is just all frivolity and paying for the bragging rights. I do like touch, I know it is the future but I don't want it in the locked down Apple form factor. I was bored with the iPad after a few minutes and that doesn't surprise me, I had heard that it was like a giant iPod touch and that's exactly what it felt like. It met expectations but didn't surpass them on any level and that is just boring and if Apple wants me to spend then I expect better, it didn't have that wow factor I expect from a new Apple product. I expect to go to the store and play with it and realize that Steve Jobs was right and I can't live without it, but my experience with the iPad left me knowing I had my fill of the device and that I really didn't need one for any reason.

My conclusion: even if I had $500 to my name, I wouldn't be running out to spend it on the iPad. It can't replace my laptop, it's not a smartphone, a netbook can do more than it, and for me there just isn't a need for there to be yet another niche between these devices.

I Sit, I Draw, I Ponder

Well, yesterday I sat down and decided that I was going to draw something though I had no idea what. I decided that I should probably continue to practice drawing people since they have always been a weak point for me. I decided to start out withe a pose and sketched a basic outline. Just for fun, I decided to stop and scan in my drawing before I continued to work on it. I just thought it would be interesting to see the difference between the first outline and final product.



I decided that the figure would be a girl of some sort and sketched a basic face. Then for some reason I decided to work on the feet. I always have a hard time with feet. Even if I can draw one foot well then the other can never live up the expectations created by the first. I always end up with one decent looking foot and some lopsided clubfoot on the other side. Once I had created the boots to my satisfaction, I decided I wanted to draw a belt and thus the belt had to be holding something up. As seen in the drawing, I ended up with some type of skirt on top of leggings and while I don't like this fashion in our own world it works in this one. I just decided to have fun with the texture of the skirt, I didn't want it to be too plain but knew this drawing was not going to be of someone who is into floral prints. I ended up with an interesting layered look for the skirt.

As seen in the previous sketch, I had decided to do some sort of cloak. In the final drawing it has been finished off, I added the buckle to tie the cloak to the bottom portion of the drawing. Since I had gone with a simple texture and look for the cloak, I wanted something more complex for the shirt it was covering. I really don't know what the texture is supposed to imply that the material of the shirt is but I just enjoyed the way it looked. I really haven't figured out who this character is. Probably some type of sorceress given my usual genre of writing and the fact that the clothing certainly is not modern. Well that will be a question for a different day. For now at least I have a new drawing for future inspiration.

Spring Wanderings

Well, I seem to have wandered away from this blog and not wandered back in a timely manner. I have been having a hard time thinking of what to write so I seem to have backed off from blogging which defeats the purpose of this endeavor. I started this blog to help me write on a more regular basis so now I have to try to get back to that. So what have I been doing lately since I clearly haven't been writing?
I have been enjoying the spring. I like that magical week where everything suddenly wakes up. everything was brown and dead and then suddenly green creeps in. I drove home for Easter and everything was drab and then over that one weekend everything started to green up. I took this picture while I was walking around the yard at home:

I like this picture, it captures the transition taking place. The Vermont winter is over and the flowers are beginning to break through the chaff of the past year and reach for the sun. Then I drove back to Pennsylvania and took some pictures in the park:

I spent a lot of time looking up and just admiring the silhouettes of the trees against the sky. The trees are especially interesting now as they are budding. You can still see their structure because their leaves are still unfurling. The leaves themselves are a vibrant green and delicate though they deepen and toughen as they age. It was lucky I was looking up, otherwise I never would have seen these birds:

I don't actually know what kind of birds these are but I thought they were interesting because they weren't the Canadian geese or mallard ducks I see everyday at the park. For instance, here are some of geese I saw:

After bruising my shin, I did decide to start looking down as well as up and even took some pictures of the flowers I came across:



I should mention that as I was walking in the park I was looking for flowering trees, everyone has them planted in their yards but there were not so many in the park but that didn't stop me from seeking them out. I also got some strange looks from some of the other people in the park as I crouched to photograph of a tiny plant or walked along taking constant pictures of the sky above. Here is my favorite picture that I managed to take of a flowering tree:

I just wanted to capture this fleeting moment, these few delicate blossoms before they were gone. Well, that is what I have been up to. I promise myself once again that I will try to post on a more regular basis. I've had a few thoughts that I want to write about, such as my internetless weekend at home and the realizations it lead to as well as my thoughts about the reading I have been doing lately so I will have to see if anything becomes of those topics. For now, at least I have a few pretty spring pictures to look at as everything fills out and becomes more green and the last traces of winter fade.

Entry Level Limbo

I have been seeking an entry level job. I have a BS in Chemical Engineering but no relevant job experience to go with it, just my summer jobs which did give me valuable experiences but unfortunately were not directly related to my field. I have found many websites that are supposed to be specifically for finding entry level jobs but I think there is a disconnect. For some reason most entry level jobs seem to require 3-5 years of experience in some very specific field, which is contrary to what I always thought an entry level job was. To me, and entry level job is for someone who probably has the education for the area of expertise that the job is in but is lacking the real world experience in the field they are trying to enter into. The entry level job is supposed to give this person experience in the field, it's probably relatively low paying tedious work but you have to start at the bottom. Few of the "entry level" jobs I find posted meet this criteria. Maybe my definition is wrong, so I did what I normally do when I have a question, I googled "the definition of entry level." Here is what I found:

From yourdictionary.com - Entry Level: adjective, designating or of a job or position offered to an inexperienced person, that usually pays low wages but provides training and experience and the prospect of future advancement
From thefreedictionary.com - Entry Level: adjective, Appropriate for or accessible to one who is inexperienced in a field or new to a market
From merriam-webster.com - Entry Level: adjective, of or being at the lowest level of a hierarchy
From dictionary.reference.com - Entry Level: adjective, of, pertaining to, or filling a low-level job in which an employee may gain experience or skills: This year's college graduates have a limited choice of entry-level jobs. (Yes that is the sample sentence given by dictionary.com when you look at the definition of entry level, definitely adds to my already astounding optimism.)

Well, based on these definitions I don't think that my own is completely off mark. I really wish that employers used these definitions as well. I spend a lot of time wandering through websites seeking the jobs that I am qualified for and I really wish that when I say to limit the search to entry level positions that the results would be entry level positions, meaning ones the require less than a year of experience and not ones that want me to have 3-5 years in something highly specific. I have wasted a lot of time reading through the job descriptions for supposed entry level jobs only to read the list of requirements and find that I am no where near qualified.
I know that recent college graduates are finding it hard to find entry level jobs and I am not the only one. The problem is that employers are now just using "entry level" as code for we want someone with experience that we don't have to pay a lot to. Employers don't seem to want an inexperienced college graduate when they can get an experienced employee for the same price. This doesn't surprise me, but it is short sighted. Employers may be able to get experienced employees for cheap now, but what are they creating, a group of current college graduates who are unable to get that magical 2-3 years of experience but it saves money now so screw the future.

Well, I am stuck. I have a BS in chemical engineering but no experience to go with it which means I have no hope of getting a job but without a job I can't get that experience. I am so sick of constantly trying to explain my situation to the previous generations. They decided they wanted a job and they went out and got one, therefore I must be lazy and doing something wrong because I am not employed. I came across a lot of comments and blogs that where thought provoking to me as I did some research for this post so I certainly will be commenting on the generational disconnect in a future blog. In the meantime I will continue to search for the elusive entry level job that does not require experience that at this rate I will never have ... and don't say volunteer I so tired of the response to lack of experience being to volunteer. I am broke, I have college loans, I can't volunteer. I don't expect to have a job that makes me happy, or makes me a lot of money. I just need a job to provide me with experience and pay me enough so I can live in a tiny apartment, eat ramen noodles and at least start to make some payments on my college loans. I don't think an entry level job is too much to ask, if they still existed.

I think that my real concern is the disconnect between what many of us were taught in college and the reality of the current business world. It use to be that a company was willing to take a recent college grad with little to no experience and train them to know what they wanted for them to be an effective employee at the company. Now, companies know that employee retention has declined. They don't want to waste their money to train the employee that is only going to stick around for a couple years. They can get the more experienced employee who already knows something about the job for the same low price and won't waste as much money in the training. I don't know how new college grads can compensate for this. Even an internship isn't a lot of experience, it's only a few months of work, not the years of specialized experience that I see employers asking for. No recent college grad is going to have a huge amount of experience, I always thought that this was what the entry level job was for. I thought that I have a useful degree and potential to be a good employee at a company so somebody would want to hire me and yes I would have a lot to learn but I'd be working hard and not being paid that well but that's how it goes. I didn't expect a job to be handed to me but I expected there to be options out there. I know there are the companies out there that are still taking us recent college grads but there aren't enough jobs out there for all and the competition is so incredibly fierce. There are just way too many qualified people also applying for every job I apply for and I just don't have those connections to get me noticed.

Between college and industry, they need to figure out something that will take us out of this odd limbo that so many of us find ourselves in. I've got the degree but I don't have the 3-5 years of experience to get the entry level job, but if I can't get the job then how do I ever get that experience. Well, since I am still in limbo I guess I'll just keep writing and drawing and applying to many jobs I will never hear back from.

My Experiment in Cryogenics

I just read an article from The Onion, "New College Graduates to be Cryogenically Frozen Until Job Market Improves." As a recent college graduate (I haven't been out a year yet) I found it hilarious, and sad, and terrifying. I went into college in the fall of 2005. I was happy and even optimistic much to my surprise given my usually cynical nature. I was going to pick a useful major, work hard for four years, and try to mix in a little fun when I could too. I was going to figure out how to balance it and graduate with my BS in Chemical Engineering and then I would have a career. Little did my freshman self know what was in store for me. I had the pleasure of seeing the economy and the job market sink lower and lower as my graduation date approached.

Freshman year: I was going to succeed after college, I was one of the few people in my family to get a college degree so I knew what an advantage it would give me. Sophomore year: classes were harder and I realized I wasn't going to be at the top of my class but I was still decent enough and someone was going to want an average chemical engineer, right? Junior year: Classes were really hard so there was little time to think of much else though I did notice that it was a lot harder to get an internship and didn't get one but I knew that I was a hard worker and good learner and would still graduate with a valuable degree so what was a summer spent working in a grocery store compared to that. Senior year: the economy finally decided to all out kick it and half the employers that were supposed to show up on our campus that year just decided not too, I did some interviews but it seemed everyone was on a hiring freeze. Then we bailed out the banks, and the stock market came back, and we were told the economy was recovering. The people who say that don't seem to have talked to anyone that graduated in my year. I dreaded going back to my college for homecoming, I must really be a slacker to not have gotten a job now that the economy is fixed right? Then I went to homecoming and was greeted by many of my fellow classmates who were rarely employed, underemployed, not using their degrees at all for their jobs, and living with their parents. I was considered lucky because I have been living with my boyfriend's family instead of my own.

I know I am not alone. However, knowing I am not alone doesn't make me feel any less like a useless waste of space. It seems that my degree qualifies for very little since I search for entry level jobs and most somehow require at least three years in some very specific area of with some type of training. I seem to be competing with hundreds of applicants for anything I apply for. Any time I think I have even the smallest chance it is crushed. I have given in to the fact that I will never achieve what I could have if I had been born a few years earlier.

Now I face the terrifying prospect of battle against all those that will graduate in May. They will be fresh and new and companies will take them over me and my fellow classmates who have been out of college a year and unemployed or working some random job just to get by. They will not have a year long gap in their resume being held against them even though employers only have to read the headlines to know why it is there. I fear that our year will simply be skipped, no one seems to have any interest in making sure that we someday will find employment. They keep patting themselves on the back because the unemployment statistic is not even decreasing but at least remaining constant, well I am not even counted in that statistic along with so many others.

I had hoped that someone, somewhere would want someone with a chemical engineering degree. I know I am lacking in experience but I am willing to learn whatever I need to on the job. I had always been told that it was more important that I could get along with people and communicate effectively and that experience was something I would gain once I started working. Now there is no lack of older and more experienced workers vying for the same positions as me and no one seems to be willing to give me that magical one to two years of experience I need to have any chance at gainful employment.

I don't need to be cryogenically frozen. This past year of my life has been me frozen in time, and unfortunately college loans don't freeze just because I have. I have lost this year and I'm not going to get it back. I try not to feel completely hopeless but it has been a long year of being broke and feeling useless, it has left its mark. The politicians and companies in control are simply going to pretend I don't exist and continue to shout that things are getting better despite all the indications because it is easier to pretend that things are getting better than acknowledge the dire situation we truly find ourselves in and strive to make it better.

A Moment

I am stuck. I use to write a lot, the stories just happened. Now, I am out of practice and it doesn't come as easily to me. I keep imagining this scene but that is all I get. I can write about this moment in time but I can't get beyond it. There is not plot, and the characters don't even have names. I don't know what comes before this moment or after. I just know that there was this moment in time for these two characters but I can't seem to get beyond that moment. Here is what I've written so far:

He glimpsed movement from across the clearing. Thinking it strange that there might be anyone else in these woods, he ventured closer. He realized that the surrounding forest was devoid of its usual noises. The customary chattering of the birds and animals was gone and in its place an odd silence. He traversed the leaf-strewn ground as quietly as he could. There was a deep chill in air, beyond what would be expected on a crisp fall day. He crouched behind a tree and finally laid eyes on the creature that had so disturbed his forest.

She had her back to him. His first thought was to wonder who would wear a gown of such a shimmering white while wondering in the woods, She meandered alongside a spring which had been reduced to a trickle in the absence of rainfall. He could see the fabric ripple with every breath of the wind and the hem brushed along the dried grass. Her feet were bare and tread the ground with barely a sound. Her hair was dark as night, yet shone with an odd luminescence. It cascaded to the small of her back. The tension had grown in his legs from crouching, to relieve the strain he fell back on his heals. There was a horrendously loud crack as his heal snapped a dry twig. Her head snapped around to look in the direction of the noise, in the direction of his hiding place. He drew in his breath, then released quietly as he could. He felt his heart race and thought it impossible that anybody in the vicinity could not hear it pound its agitated beat.

Now he could see her face. Her skin was oddly pale and gleamed as though touched by moonlight and glowed in contrast to the dusky forest surrounding her. Her eyes were an odd icy blue that he had never seen before and were now focused in his direction. Her lips were pale and drawn tightly together. She had stopped walking and was now standing there facing him. He felt his chest tighten. He thought of running but knew that she would see him. He knew the forest but he had never seen anyone move through it the way she did. He knew that no amount of running would let him escape those piercing eyes. She took one slow step in his direction and he felt his heart pound, trying to escape his chest. She began striding toward him. He could not keep looking into those brilliant eyes so instead he watched her feet as they made each confident step. As she drew closer, he noticed with astonishment that as she walked she left a coating of frost on the grass she tread over.

She stopped a few feet in front of the tree he had hid behind. He felt a chill run throughout his body as he felt compelled to rise. He stood and stepped from behind the shelter of the tree trunk. Now he was caught in the full force of her eyes. She closed the gap between them and whispered, “Now what do we have here?”

He couldn't respond. There were no words. His mind was blank. There was nothing except for those eyes that held him motionless.

“What to do with you,” she murmured to herself.

Let's Try This Again

I created this blog with the intention that it would help me force myself to write on a more regular basis. I have failed thus far. I am still not making the time to write everyday. However, in an attempt to improve my writing, I have bought a copy of my favorite book for improving writing. I think that The Elements of Style was first introduced to me by a middle school English teacher. I didn't learn much from her in particular but the book was immensely helpful. I like a concise guide to writing that just covers the basics and reminds me to be clear and to the point when I sit down to write a story. My physical copy of the book is sitting in a box somewhere with most of my other possessions, packed up and waiting for a place to go. I now have the audio book version to help me along. It was an impulse buy on iTunes, I have a gift card to use and am seeking some books to use it on since I can't think of any music I desire that I don't already have. I have seen a decline in my music listening as I listen to more and more podcasts. I came upon the book and since I could certainly use a refresher decided to get it. It is also the first time I have bought anything in iTunes since there is a sales tax and that was a whole new frustration in itself. I have been listening here and there and will continue to do so. I am hoping someday that I will actually be able to use a comma correctly. It is a problem that has plagued me as long as I can remember that I still have not conquered though my high school English teacher tried and tried. Since I mostly a visual learner I have also requested Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing from the local library. I have not looked at this book before but should get it in the next few days and then I will see if it is any good or not.

Drawing and Description

Well, I was doodling last night and came up with this picture so I decided to force myself to write a descriptive paragraph. This is what I ended up with:

I found myself staring down the dragon, the magnificent beast. It had gleaming gold eyes that expressed far more than I could comprehend. As I gazed, they narrowed into what I could only call a scowl. Its ears were raised and alert, held aloft next to shimmering ivory horns. Then my eyes were helplessly drawn to its mouth. It had a slight beak which did little to hide its toothy grin. Once I could pry my gaze away from its face I was struck by the odd beauty of the creature. Its face was studded with the tiniest scales, like iridescent beads, each ruby red. The scales grew larger and larger as they ran down its serpentine neck until each was the size of my hand. The scales covering its torso were a deep red tinged with gold. The effect was quite striking, the delicate veins of gold running through each scale combined to cover the beast in a beautifully ornate pattern. I was mesmerized until a deep throaty growl broke my trance.

Its a start but I think it still needs some better descriptive words and less repetition. I'll come back to it at another time and try to fix it up a bit.

Character Drawing

Sometimes I just sit down and draw characters. They don't necessarily have a story to go with them. Last night I just got the image for this character stuck in my head, I don't she is, where she is going, or what her story will be but at least I put the thought to paper in the only way I could. I would like to note that this drawing was not done unaided because I am still practicing drawing people. I used this article from HowStuffWorks.com to help me: How-To-Draw-A-Woman-In-A-Pantsuit. Usually drawing a character helps me establish who he or she is. A simple drawing changes my character from a nondescript entity to a character that I can describe, but in this case I don't know who she is yet. I do tend to write my stories in the fantasy/scifi genre because that has always been my favorite to read so she is probably heading off on some adventure. Well, maybe I will think of something for her to do, maybe I won't. Sometimes a story will evolve from my character and sometimes they just stay on the page, but here she is and I'll see what happens.

Beginning

Well, I have sat staring at this blank screen a number of times trying to figure out what to say. How does one begin a blog? I use to spend a great deal of time writing but in the past few years I have failed to make time. I was in college studying to be a chemical engineer and in the process I stopped finding the time to write. I use to keep a little notebook with me, I had titled it Lost Thoughts and I would jot down whatever came to mind. Sometimes those little ideas would grow into stories or poems and sometimes they would just sit there, a random thought that I had with little meaning once the moment had past. I don't know what this blog with become. As an unemployed recent chemical engineering graduate I don't know what I have to offer, just my perspective. I suppose this can be another place for those random thoughts of mine to find a place to be put into writing and explored and I will see what comes of it.